Make light on work because it is nothing more than a chore

Sometimes it is just hard to get excited about anything. My passion is art and I never tire of designing. It is just those other domestic things which I find no joy in that I wish I could be excited about once again.

For all my life I have tried to invent a new and unusual ways to do the things in life that I dread. From the simple things of chores to the difficult ones of decisions that are life changing. I wish there was a magic wand to wave when I can not make that hard decision. Indecision is a decision.
How many different and challenging ways can you make a bed? It takes less than five minutes to make it, but some days it takes me forever to do it. I have this inconsistency in the daily dull things of life. I guess there are more interesting things I would rather be doing than the ordinary things.

I wish to be free of all chores, washing clothes, cooking, cleaning, oh yea and cleaning the toilets too, even vacuuming. dusting, moping. All things that I have done for so many years, I wish to be free of those dreaded chores. Pouff! They are gone and I am done.

Since I am a neat person I take care of my mess, but then my husband it a messy person, but he does not take care of his mess. So I know you think that it sounds crazy, but I want to do what I want to do, not what others expect me to do. I know that sounds selfish and I have never put myself first in my entire life. So why do I feel so damn guilty for even thinking of this?

Thoughts on Love

Nobody said it would ever be easy, Love...

When your heart breaks into a million parts,

How do you pick up what is left of you,

A bleeding, aching and bruised heart.


Nobody promised me a rose garden, Love...

I didn't have a clue of what it was about,

I knew very little of what I would give up,

Very little of how much of myself I would loose,

Nobody ever said anything about the price you pay.



Love worth while would be hard I was told,

I ask why does it have to be so hard,

It is never equal in depth or desire,

And it is even harder to hold, Love...

Ah, but what I have gained from Love.



Love can hold you hostage,

It never lets you go,

A love lost is never far away,

You wait for it to come back,

It haunts you day and night.



Love for the most part is good,

The Man You Have Become

Time has gone too fast in my life,

I want to hold on to it forever,

I cherish the days of yesterday gone by,

All the while remembering our life's endeavor.



Ah, but the memories are all that remain.

Sweet joyous days of children laughing and playing,

A life so perfect that I desired nothing else,

Afternoons spent on green grass laying

Making clover rings and gathering leaves.


Being your mother has meant the world to me,

Giving my life to your very being,

Loving you with all my heart and more,

I love the child and the man I am seeing.


A man with a kind and big heart,

Compassion and understanding beyond,

Intelligent, creative, loving and kind,

And how we have a common bond,

In all things similar and a like.


There are no lessons left to be taught,

It took you a while, but you learned them well,

I am proud of the man you have become,

Now is the time for you not to dwell,

To pass theses lessons on to you child.

Have you ever listened to the sounds in your home?

Have you ever listened to the sounds in your home?
The TV is blaring so loud that no one can talk.
In my home the TV rules the night with football,
In my home during the day, there is no TV,
Just peace and quite...You hear nothing
and that is the way I like it. I can think.

I can barely stand the noise of the TV and it is really loud.
I am a quite soul that is being drowned out by the volume
Noise replaces conversation...Hush don't talk right now...
I want to run away screaming to the top of my lungs,

After all these years dear, you have become your father,
Deaf ear to anything but sports, funny it must run in the family,
How did we become so mismatched? You becoming louder and
I becoming quieter, less tolerant of this noise.
No amout of clues do you decipher that you are too loud.

one foot in front of the other

Day to day I struggle just to put one foot in front of the other. It is all I know how to do. I work through the pain to keep from thinking about it too much. Work is sometimes my saniety. If it were not for work, I would not get up some days.

My job as a floral desinger is very rewarding. It is a quick fix for the other artistic things I would rather be doing like oil painting, or sculpting. I plan on doing those things when I retired.

It keeps me going and I like that alot. I don't think about my physical pain and I am not reminded of things I can not do.

Am I Just Hiding?

Often I wonder if I am my true authenic self, or am I just hiding out for now in this body pretending to be someone else? Maybe I am too frightened to look too closely at myself because I might not like what I see.



Looking through my eyes has never been easy in fact I do not really even like myself that much. How long must it take to come to terms with myself? Of course if I were pretending to be someone else, I think I would have chosen a better person.

Will Power

After reading Zenhabits at http://zenhabits.net/ the article was about will power, and how will power is like a muscle. You have to exercise this muscle for it to improve. This article was so empowering. I have been following him for a while now and I like a lot of what he says.


After reading his blog, I had the best dream. In my dream, I had all this under control. I was organized and had a lot of will power. I was not self indulgent. I had it all together. Life was great. My dream inspired me. I am going to change this negative outlook I have been in and try to be positive about my life.